Obstacles

(Long sigh) I haven’t been responding to emails or private messages on GoodReads regarding my second book, Pinned Down because frankly, I don’t have much to say. Has the book been completed? Yes, but it hasn’t been edited. I’m currently working on the third book. I was afraid of releasing book 2 in case I decided to alter it while writing book 3. I wanted the freedom to make any necessary changes.

Now…what’s taking so long? I’ll be honest. (I’m about to air out some of my dirty laundry so feel free to stop reading. I don’t feel I should lie on behalf of others to paint a pretty picture of what my life is “supposed” to be.)

When I decided to write my first book, Pinned Up I did it because I felt like I was starting to lose myself. Yes, I’m married (to a great and loving husband) and a mom (to three awesome kiddos), but that doesn’t mean my personality and interests are now nonexistent. I quit my job a few years ago to be home with my kids. I’m truly blessed to have that opportunity. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. I used to be funny, raunchy (after hours…lol), and free spirited. Slowly, I realized most of the joy I received was from seeing my kids grow although, truth be told…they’re also the reason for my grey hairs! (I know what you’re thinking, “but she’s too young to have grey hairs!” My thoughts exactly!)

Soon, Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey instantly became my escape from reality along with several other amazing books. After a short while, a story began developing in my mind. I started jotting down my ideas and before I knew it, I had a detailed outline and spreadsheet. When I wrote Pinned Up, I felt as if a part of me was receiving fresh air for the first time after being trapped in a dungeon (I’ve never been trapped in a dungeon, but that’s what I envisioned so just roll with it). I would laugh out loud like a crazy person with the ludicrous things my characters came up with. I enjoyed every bit of writing my first book.

Months later after its release, I reread it with “fresh eyes” keeping in mind the few negative reviews on GoodReads and Amazon. As I read my book, I made changes…changes that (to me) definitely improved the flow of the story and omitted the “clinical” feel. With a much better feeling, I released the second edition of Pinned Up a few months ago.

Since some people couldn’t get enough of my characters (OMG…I completely love you for that!), I decided to continue with their story. Unfortunately, the writing process with Pinned Down has been a nightmare for me. I no longer have the support I did with my first book. Well…I do have financial support, but that’s about it. This “hobby” I have developed has become a burden onto my family. It intervenes with family functions, some household chores, and family time. In the last ten years, I have always put my family first and taken a backseat to their needs. Now that I’m doing something for myself, it’s frowned upon. I’m a fairly neat person so I can’t allow too much chaos in my house, I know I have small children who can’t fend for themselves…cooking is a must, piled up dirty laundry is one of my many pet peeves so I have to ensure that is taken care of DAILY in order to maintain my sanity, because I’m a control freak…I insist on doing the grocery shopping. So with that in mind, how is it that I put my writing first? Because I choose to take two hours of my day for myself? Do I deserve being referred to as a selfish wife or mom? I don’t think so. Is it fair that comments laced in guilt are directed at me? I don’t think so. Once every other month, I send all my kids to my mother’s house. The purpose? So that I can write…GUILT-FREE and be able to focus. But noooo…when the kids are away, I still have to remember I have wife responsibilities to tend to…sometimes just spending quality time together. Is it wrong that I want to do something for myself? I don’t go out with friends…I just want to be home in silence and meet the writing endeavors I set for myself. This is supposed to be something positive. Why doesn’t it feel that way?

So now…I’m having an affair…with my writing that is. I don’t mention it to anyone and I don’t do it in front of anyone. Throughout the day, I’m constantly texting quick notes on my phone…most of the time, they’re funny. When it’s time to incorporate them into my story, I’m disheartened and with a lump in my throat…refusing to shed unwanted tears. It hurts to hide what I enjoy doing from my loved ones.

So, that’s my situation and the reason I haven’t released book 2, Pinned Down yet. In November, I have a book signing in Houston, TX…I’m determined to have my trilogy completed and released by then. I apologize for the delay, but thank you kindly for your patience. It would be nice to have the support of my household, but since I don’t…I’m just going to find alternative ways of making time to write. I have always accomplished the goals I have set for myself, I refuse to stop now…no matter what my obstacles may be.

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About C. Michelle

I was a high school drop-out who eventually earned a Bachelor of Science in Business Management degree and a Master of Business Administration degree while working as a probation officer and counselor. I have served my community as a Victim Awareness Program instructor and an Aggression Replacement Training (ART) facilitator. My love of all things funny, romantic, and simply bad ass led to the writing of my debut novel, Pinned Up. I am currently writing my second book. I reside in northern California with my husband and three children.
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8 Responses to Obstacles

  1. theresacook84@gmail.com says:

    I absolutely love love love ur writing and will wait as long as u make me. I mean look at how long George RR Martin fans have to wait for his books, this is nothing! I’m sorry u are having a lack of support , but please don’t give up, we all love u!

  2. Christi Michelle Grabara says:

    Okay, you’re kind of weirding me out. My pen name is also C. Michelle. I’ve been using it since the early 90s. And it looks like you are also from Houston, TX. That’s just too much. Next you’re going to tell me you went to school in the Klein district.

  3. ashley says:

    WOW, I truly feel your pain! I too am married to an amazing husband and have 2 wonderful (crazy) kids. I recently decided I wanted to go back to school for a degree in the field I am currently working in. It will be 80% on line and only going to class once a week at night. The support I thought I would have from my family just isn’t there! a degree is something I have always wanted! It’s the ONLY thing I would be able to say, from start to finish, I achieved all on my own! So I must say to you the same thing I am trying to drill into myself… DO what you have to do for yourself! We have ONE life, lets live it with no regrets! My kids will still be fed, attended to, and happy. My husband will too still be fed, attended to, and hopefully proud in the end! So keep your head up and I shall do the same! It will be worth it in the end!!!

    • C. Michelle says:

      Ashley, you’re awesome! It’s great to read that you’re moving on with your educational goals. You’re setting an amazing example for your kids. Whatever you do…don’t give up! You’ve got this! The road ahead may not be easy, but the obstacles you face will be worth it once you reach your destination. Obtaining a college degree is an accomplishment only you can achieve and one that no one will ever be able to take from you. I wish you all the best with your future endeavors!

  4. María says:

    Sorry to hear about your lack of Support. It sounds a lot like family jealousy. Glad you are sticking to your guns and writing anyway. Maybe they will get the hint. Good luck. Looking forward to Pinned Down!

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